May is here! And I don’t know what you’re writing these days, but I’m taking a giant stab at Story-A-Day May. I’ve managed it before, but I’m not sure this time how chemo treatments are going to get in the way. To be accurate, how the side-effects are going to get in the way.
But don’t we always have things to get in the way?
I like to post my stories in their rough, rough form over at my other blog The Fairy Tale Asylum. If you’re participating, let me know.
I don’t know how much about my life with breast cancer I want to blog about. But I’ve started an FB page to share this experience for what it’s worth. The FB page feels more conversational and more immediate. But the page isn’t for everyone. The blog format isn’t really working for me on this.
Anyway.
Click through and like if it’s a conversation you’re interested in: A Journey through the Carcinoma Wonderland.
Thanks.
I’ve started several blog posts that I haven’t finished. Percocet took over and I couldn’t think. And everything I write seems ridiculous. Trite. Meaningless.
I don’t have anything to add to the cancer narrative. I can’t add any original observations.
I’ve started reading two breast cancer memoirs. I finished the first chapter of one of them and now I can’t decide if I want to continue reading it. Her story is compelling and she’s honest, and I’m sure it is a worthwhile read (several people highly recommended the book), but I really can’t relate to the beginning of her story.
She went to a strip club when she found out she had breast cancer.
While many women have written about their experience, certain things about the disease are very personal. And how you feel about your body is an issue with this disease. How society feels about your body is part of this disease.
All of this makes certain aspects of the disease hard to talk about. Near impossible for me. Im happy to tell you about drains and medications and tissue expanders and chemo. That’s the easy stuff.
I keep dreaming about strange rooms, houses, apartments, filled with stuff, so much stuff that I keep realizing there is more stuff in them than I thought and someone or people come in and take the stuff away. In the dream, I can’t decide what to do, but I’m surprised at all the stuff and surprised that people want to take it away from me, and half the time I’m not dressed properly so I can’t do anything because I’m trying to find my clothes.
It’s something like that.
oncologist bunny
Eight days until surgery.
I’ve got my post-op shirts and even two small post-op pillows. One pillow is recommended for the drive home from the hospital. It will go between the seatbelt strap and me. I’ve seen post-op pictures of others to give me an idea what to expect. I’m getting my house in order, people are arranging to cook and to pick my son up for skate practice, and fundraisers have been set up.
And still I can’t quite believe this is happening.
Like when you’re a kid and you know that one day you’re going to be a grownup, but you can’t really believe it. Or your childless and decide to have a kid, having no clue as to what you’re in for. Or you get a publisher for your first book, but the book isn’t out yet and you can’t hold the book in your hands.
My imagination fails me so often. At least, it is easy to imagine these things happening to someone else, like a character in a book.
What events in your life did you find impossible to fully imagine until you got there?
When I first wanted to be a writer (back when I was eight, I think), I knew nothing about the publishing industry. I didn’t understand how agents worked or what it took to get a book to readers.
A few years ago a young man told me he wanted to write a book so that he could make money. I didn’t know whether to laugh or pat him on the head.
Learning about cancer treatments has been much the same way. I had no idea about the medical industry. I didn’t understand how surgeons worked or what it took to get a mastectomy. I didn’t know about post-op shirts, drains, expanders, or being estrogen positive. I didn’t know terms like her2/neu, sentinel nodes, or lymphedema.
Well, live and learn.
I’m going to have a novel published soon. I’ll get this through this too.
I draw when I’m in waiting rooms.
These days I’m drawing adventures in the medical wonderland.
I’m sure some of you know the vocabulary that I’m just now learning. Post surgery life does not sound like fun. I don’t like sentences that contain words like drains, valves, and special shirts. Not sparkly unicorn special. Good-for-incisions-and-drains special.
You just don’t know where life is going to take you.
trying to relax
I’ve almost forgotten I blog.
Heading toward the Christmas season things took an unexpected turn. A routine mammogram ended in a biopsy and two surgeries, and I can’t say it’s all done yet. The main distraction is the incision that has continued to bleed for over a week.
There are plenty more serious health issues in the world, and I’m trying to keep this in perspective. But as far as annoyances go, seeing bandage after bandage fill with blood whether at work, hanging with the kiddo, or sleeping is maddening. Who wants to leave blood on sheets and pillows, bathrobes, towels, and bras?
Perhaps that is too much information. I might be beyond caring. Besides, I don’t know about you, but I knowledge of things like breast cancer was very limited. I had some understanding of chemo (No verdict yet on whether I’ll need radiation. Might not.) and like most of us I’ve seen all those pink ribbon campaigns, but it might have been helpful to have heard specifics. Have you ever had those moments when you look at a cut or a bruise or something not right on your body and you wonder, “Is it supposed to look like that?!”
It’s been a distraction.
With any luck, the worst of this is over and I can think. MOst of the time I don’t feel like I’m thinking. I just feel like I’m moving on to the next thing that needs to get done. Do you ever feel that way?
But I am still working on the line edits for my novel. That isn’t going to come out when I originally thought. Things have fallen behind. But my publisher and I are getting there, and that’s what matters.
I saw this girl and had to ask to take her photograph. She made her outfit herself. She’s beautiful.
I can’t do anything as grand, but one goal for this year (and I set this goal back in October when got to see several brilliant steampunk outfits in one day) is to make my own steampunk ensemble, and wear it to Comic Con 2013.
Years ago, I started noticing a certain style in a few films that made me say, “Oh, that’s cool. I like that.” But I didn’t have a name for it. Ten years ago, maybe? I’m not sure.
I’ve always liked a bit of Victorian. Not all of it, mind you. Then somewhere I came across an image of steam industry crossed with something Victorian. I don’t remember what it was, but it stayed in my consciousness, until finally my brain started connecting one image to another.
As a kid I loved gears and clockworks and wire. I wanted to keep little bits of machinery and metal. In the 8th grade I made a book cover for a textbook that was made of wire mesh. I liked carrying my silver, shiny, slightly dangerous (it gave my arm many tiny cuts and snagged a few threads in my clothes) and wear a dress with high heeled boots. Boots were ridiculous in Florida because the weather was almost never right for them, but I wore them anyway. Just like I didn’t care that other kids thought I was weird for my homemade metal book cover.
Anyway, the first time I came across the term steampunk, my mind went, a-ha! That’s it. That’s what I’ve been seeing.
What sort of style do you especially love or feel drawn to?
So, this year I’m putting together my own steampunk outfit. Suggestions welcome–though I have a limited budget. I’ve got so many writing and art projects, a different kind of project is necessary.
I’ll post photos of pieces as I go! Here’s hoping I don’t look too ridiculous.
The beginning of a new year seems to demand the saying of something profound. If I were really smart I could say something that would get pasted into a cool pic and memed around facebook. (Well, my first problem is that meme isn’t even a verb. Should be at this point though, don’t you think?)
Neil Gaiman Addresses the University of the Arts Class of 2012 from The University of the Arts (Phl) on Vimeo.
I assume (yes, that’s right, I dare to assume) that if you’re reading this blog at all then you’re also a writer or artist. So, what else is there to say but go make something? Go. We should all spend more time making things. I don’t really understand people who don’t want to make anything.
Make a picture, make a cake, make something with yarn and sticks, make someone happy.
So, the year begins and what will it bring? Any predictions? What will you make?
an effort to draw a horse
A person is supposed to try new things, right? Like a year and a half ago I began speed quad skating. I thought it was a crazy thing to do, but now I love it.
In art, I’ve drawn a few things I didn’t think I could. Like a whale and a tiger. (Not together, mind you.) But I’m taking a break from art shows. I need something different to justify another show.
I want to try a comic. Or graphic novel. Whatever you prefer to call it. I have these two characters–Ink and Mirabelle–who are bunnies. Maybe I loved Watership Down too much as a kid. The story lines wouldn’t be about action, just their relationship. Maybe that’s boring? But Ink loves Mirabelle but Mirabelle being up on the moon more than she loves being on the earth with Ink. He tries so hard to persuade her to come back to him.
Ink and Mirabelle
And I want to write a series, but I’m not sure about that. Mostly I like the idea of being able to follow a character for more than one book. Creating a world and being able to go back there time and time again. The manuscripts I have written do take place in the same town (mostly), and some of the characters overlap. A main character in one story is a secondary character in another, and then has a tiny walk-on part in yet another. Maybe that can get too twee, but if I feel the character belongs there, I love doing that.
And I would love to try animation. Unfortunately, I don’t have the equipment for that. I’ve tried a few things, and they’ve been okay as far as experiments go, but they aren’t what I want to do really.
I’ve made a few handmade books. I definitely want to make more, but I can’t manage to sell them and they cost money to make. So they aren’t practical.
Wait. Is any of this practical?
I thought not.
Oh well. There’s too much to do, and I’ve got a book to edit for publication first.
What projects would you like to tackle? Anything you dream of doing?
