Plum Friday: Self-Sabotage and Support Systems

from Plum Tree Books

My publisher has a passion. You see that passion in what Plum Tree supports. Soon, Plum Tree will put out a book and hold an art auction to raise money to help people in Sahel. Where is the Sahel? Here.

A piece of my art is part of the auction, too.

I know that many places in the world need, but we’ve got to start somewhere. Like the parable of the starfish, Sahel is another starfish.

An old man had a habit of early morning walks on the beach. One day, after a storm, he saw a human figure in the distance moving like a dancer. As he came closer he saw that it was a young woman and she was not dancing but was reaching down to the sand, picking up a starfish and very gently throwing them into the ocean.

“Young lady,” he asked, “Why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?”

“The sun is up, and the tide is going out, and if I do not throw them in they will die.”

“But young lady, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it? You cannot possibly make a difference.”

The young woman listened politely, paused and then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves,saying, “It made a difference for that one.”

The old man looked at the young woman inquisitively and thought about what she had done. Inspired, he joined her in throwing starfish back into the sea. Soon others joined, and all the starfish were saved. –Wikipedia

Why not begin by helping save this starfish? Every starfish matters.

Plum Tree is my publisher, and I want Plum Tree to succeed, and I want what the Plum Tree supports to succeed. That includes good causes and that includes me.

This is where the self-sabotage comes in. I want to do enough to support others and support myself. Fear of bothering others, of getting it wrong, of failing, helps me procrastinate on what I need to do.

Fear. Procrastination’s best friend.

That nagging feeling that I’m not doing enough manages to keep me from doing anything except to make excuses. Why is there always time to make excuses and no time to do anything constructive?

Now, I’ve got a novel to edit and an art show to prepare for.

You can follow these endeavors on my facebook page.

What helps you procrastinate?

The Case of the You-Shoulds

My art is almost always black and white. Some people tell me to do more in color. Some people make it clear they would like my if it were in color.

I like color, but I don’t like what I do with color. Not when it comes to real paper and ink. But I’ve been playing around with my work and Photoshop Elements. Part of me feels that this is cheating, that somehow it’s not real art. But the original image is mine and the choices I make for changing the work are mine. Does that count?

I have a friend who is militantly against Photoshop.

I don’t think she’s seen what I’ve done.

But they’re fun to do, and I hope that some of them might become cards for sale by Plum Tree Books. It’s a hope. We’ll see.

Writing is similar in a way. You write a particular way. Your stories might be dark or light. They might make people cry or make people shout. And so some people might say, “You should write a story with a happy ending.” “You should write about serious topics.” And maybe the real question they’re asking is, “Why aren’t you writing for me?”

I’m reminded of when I overheard a lady say to an artist, “You should do paintings of dogs.” He nodded politely and said, “Yes, ma’am.”

I wonder if the people so filled with “you-shoulds” that they have let them spill onto other people aren’t really talking about themselves. They aren’t doing what they wish to do, so you need to do it for them.

What do people tell you to write or to draw? Does it bother you? Do you ever follow their suggestions? Or are you the person who tells others what they should do?

Editing: The Mutant Virus Edition

If you want to be a published author, you have to edit your work. No matter the publishing path, editing is along the way.

Sometimes editing makes me feel like I know what I’m doing. Really. I see the problem. Take my pen to it. Look at the page and see all those marks, and hey, me, I’ve accomplished something. I can even flash that paper at someone and say, “Look what I did today!” It’s a bit like showing off my latest skate injury. It hurts, but I’m proud.

But editing (writing) isn’t always like that. Sometimes looking at my work makes me feel as if a flesh eating virus has wheedled, twisted, and hooked its way from my brow to my heart. I will have to wear a veil to hide the horror of it.

Yes, I like a bit of melodrama.

But a bit like the psychological drama of showing your face to the world if you know the world won’t want to see it…the world may not want to see my writing (I type here, showing the world my writing…). Maybe it would be best to veil the words. What is the point of showing one’s self to the world? Why do we want to do it?

No, I’m not going to cover up and hide. I am going to edit and all will be fine. I am a tiny speck of space dust and my book added to the planet won’t affect the earth’s gravitational pull or anything. But eventually it will make me happy. Happy-ish. The happy-ish speck of space dust.

Sounds like a comic strip.

So, when you edit your work, how do you feel?

The Past–there’s always more of it.

me a very long time ago

A couple years ago I took to writing small bits of memoir in this space. I didn’t set out to. Those life stories just fell into place–though I’d never had a desire to write a memoir. It was a writing memoir, every story connecting to the writing.

I stopped. Maybe I was repeating myself. Maybe I didn’t have anything interesting left to tell. But I want to revisit those stories and see if their meanings have changed.

I listened to a story on memory research. The researchers concluded that the more you think about a memory, the less accurate it becomes. The only way to have an accurate memory is not to think about the memory.

I sense a paradox.

Or is a conundrum?

You know if you handle something too much, it wears away. Why should memory be any different?

Do you ever find yourself in an argument with someone about what happened int he past? You’re certain you are correct, aren’t you? Sometimes though, just once in a blue moon, I notice something in the memory is out of place. Something has fallen into the memory that shouldn’t have. And I wonder–how did that get there?

Like a memory I have of my mother angry and throwing silverware into a cardboard box. I believed this memory for a long time until I realized that the silverware had never been kept in that particular drawer–even though the memory is quite clear. Well, I would’ve three or four then. And it is a small detail. Perhaps is doesn’t matter.

How accurate do you think your memories are?

Plum Monday: Perspective

The troubles in the world overwhelm some days. My own troubles take enough energy, don’t you think?

Well, not really. I mean, they take lots of energy, but I don’t have to worry about if I will eat. Perspective. Perspective may be one of the most commonly lost things.

It’s late. Do you know where your perspective is?

Well, someone I know who seems to have a great perspective on important things is Niamh Clune. She is organizing a book for a cause–Songs of Sahel. Here is a cause. Yes, causes flood the world and where to begin? Well, begin here.

Sahel. You could submit a piece (story,poem, art, photography) or maybe later buy the book. Share the title when the book is released. It wouldn’t take much to matter to someone. How important it is is a matter of perspective.

Anyway, once I get my laptop back (from an unfortunate fall), I’ll submit something too.

What’s your cause?